The Process of Healing

Several years ago I had an accident.  A glass door shattered over me.  It was the result of kids playing, a door with too many layers of paint, and a really hot day.  Luckily I wasn't covered in cuts, but two large shards of glass got me pretty good.  They both went about 2 inches into my leg.  I'm not a big girl, so 2 inches is significant.  Had it been a movie I'm sure the scene would have been pretty cool.  Both cuts had blood literally shooting out of them.  I quickly covered the holes in my leg in attempt to stop the blood flow and called for help.  Help came and 911 was called.  When the ambulance arrived the paramedics asked me to uncover the holes.  Honestly, this is the first time fear set in.  I knew what happened when the holes were uncovered.  Uncovering them seemed like a very dangerous thing to do.

I have referred back to this incident in my mind several times in the past few weeks.  There is an area in my life that God has really been challenging me in.  An area in life where I have been emotionally wounded again and again.  Over the years I have covered these wounds.  As in the story of my accident, it is a natural and necessary reaction.  But God longs to restore us.  In order to be restored, though, we have to uncover the wound.  Uncovering seems like a very dangerous and possibly foolish thing to do.

I looked at the paramedics.  They had their uniforms, kits, and gloves, and their demeanor was not that of anything but knowledge of what needs to happen next.  I knew that my options were to cooperate or fight.  If I fought I would be stuck in a very uncomfortable position, I would eventually be alone, and my future was possibly short, but definitely limited.  Any healing that could take place would be unhealthy.  I would not be in the proper care.  If I cooperated, there would be a moment of fear, but I was surrounded with people totally focused on me who had the experience and equipment to take care of me in the moment and take me where I needed to go. 

When God enters the scene in the role of paramedic to our emotional wounds, he needs us to uncover the wound.  The paramedics at my accident scene needed to see the wound to assess the damage and gain information as to where to start.  God already knows all of this.  He needs us to uncover the wounds so that WE can see what is really going on.  When we get hurt our perception is skewed.  How we have internalized the situation is causing us more harm, many times, than the situation itself.  God needs us to uncover it so that we can look at it with Him and see what He wants us to see in it.  This does not take away our fear of facing the situation.  We have to choose whether we are going to cooperate with Him, or fight Him.  Fighting Him, similar to my situation with the paramedics, leaves us alone and in a very unhealthy situation.  It keeps us in control in an area where we really should not have control.  Cooperating causes a great deal of fear and vulnerability.  But if you trust Him you will be in the best possible hands and given the best possible care.

I cooperated, and within minutes my leg was wrapped and I was in the ambulance being whisked away to the hospital.  From the moment of cooperation I was completely taken care of.  The responsibility for my well being during this process was not my own.  I remember being in the ambulance joking with the paramedics, and they commented on what a pleasant passenger I was.  I was pleasant because I trusted them and was highly aware that in this moment they were the best friends I could possibly have.  Their comment reflected the fact that my attitude made their job much easier.  It made me wonder what they usually had to deal with.

Every time God challenges me to move forward I have to check my attitude.  God is for us, and wants so much more for us than we can even fathom is possible.  For us to move toward His best we have to overcome the hurts and lies and fears and every other thing that holds us back.  We can obey grudgingly or enthusiastically.  Which do you think gets us there faster and stronger?  Every time, it seems, that God points toward the next wall that I have to climb I feel wounded and look at Him like, "Why would You do this to me?"  What is before me seems so big and so hard and I blame Him.  I obey Him with arms folded defiantly and pouting and glaring.  Hopefully I will soon learn not to react like that, but so far...yep, that's me!  Eventually I do come to my senses and, rather than pulling against Him, I start partnering with Him to chase the goal.  It doesn't mean things are easy, but, oh, the blessings that flow.  :)

A ride in the ambulance didn't heal me.  There was the hospital, where I had x-rays, then glass was picked out of my leg, there were stitches...and I still wasn't healed.  Healing is a process.  It takes time and care.  I'm not through it.  At most, I am metaphorically at the place where He is removing shards of glass.  There may be a part 2 to this blog.  But I am at the place where I am not fighting any more and appreciating the process.  I am fascinated by it, and hope that it raises up something in me that allows me to bring His healing to many many many others.  If you sense God's had extended toward you as you're reading this, take it!  Trust Him!  He knows what He is doing and it is good.